I’m Tired of ‘Wait’ing

Moms…let’s get real.  It’s like the minute we get pregnant, we become a magnet for unsolicited advice.  I don’t know what it is – whether it’s our swelling bellies or the little one on our hip – other mommas feel the need to bestow a little nugget of wisdom they have collected over the days or decades that they have been a mom upon us.

I am very grateful for specific, helpful advice.  Say, I’m getting to the solid food stages with my little one and a friend recommends a particular style of sippy cup or feeding spoons that she found really useful.  Or I’m planning a trip to the pool for the first time and someone recommends this particular sunscreen/bugspray/sun hat.  That’s wonderful.  That’s supportive – and it’s helping a fellow mom solve a problem.

eyeroll

However, the unsolicited, ‘oh, just wait until…’ advice?  Please.  I don’t want to hear it!  You know what I’m talking about.  You’re in a moment of talking about how wonderful your little one is doing at sleeping/eating/playing/talking and a friend or family member – heck maybe even the cashier at Target – pipes up and ruins it with some know-it-all negative comment.  My little girl loves to eat.  ‘Oh, just wait until she turns 2 and then she’s not going to want anything!’  I love coming home to my daughter after work each day and spending time with her.  ‘Oh, just wait until she’s 16 and wants nothing to do with you.’  Cool.  Thanks.

HOW is any of this encouraging? Or supportive?  Truly, is this advice or is someone wishing they had these moments again and are trying to ruin ours?  Why do they feel that their comment is necessary?  Because they have one or ten kids of their own, and have been through this stage of childhood, they feel they are now experts in my life and my family’s?

I don’t know if you’re reading this thinking ‘ohmigosh! Yes! This! It annoys the heck out of me, too!’ Or you’re taking this in as ‘well, shoot…I have done that a time or two’

As a first time mom, every milestone is exciting for me. I keep saying I don’t want my little one to grow up, but each new phase is more fun and engaging than the last. I’m on Pinterest. I understand that by the time 2 or 3 years old happens, boundaries are going to be pushed. Tantrums are going to be had.  And there’s a little sass in my daughter that I know will blossom.  There are plenty of other moms who have blogged about it. So while she’s young, and still snuggles and it still dependent on me, I’m going to savor every minute of it.

I can’t think of any parents who have wished their children to grow up faster than they already do. So the whole premise of the ‘Just wait….’ isn’t helpful.

We aren’t waiting for them to grow up. We are loving and enjoying every minute we have with them now. Because even the hard times, the times when she was up crying at 3am, were important. At those times, once she finally settled back into sleep, I felt accomplished as a mom. It gave me confidence in what I was doing. It was reassuring that my instincts and techniques were working. I need those hard moments to help me as a mom.

Let’s just take a moment and, the next time we’re talking with an expectant or younger mother, remember where we were at that point of motherhood. Instead of popping that bubble of maternal bliss, or dismissing what is a big milestone for that momma, share in their excitement. Or empathize with whatever setback they are commiserating in with you.

It takes support, it takes a tribe. Whatever you want to call it. We mothers have enough to think about each day and make decisions about. Let’s be there to lift each other up and cheer each other on!  All the while, enjoy every milestone, relish every tiny little handhold and breath upon your neck.  Because before we know it, it’ll be just a memory.

Baby Snuggles

22 thoughts on “I’m Tired of ‘Wait’ing

  1. Sam at Thiswaymommy.com

    You are so right about those comments! They lend nothing in the way of positivity. When I get those comments I do feel very discouraged.

  2. I’m guilty of saying that lol but I get it! Time waits for no one and you should enjoy every moment you have with your cutie pie! Take the helpful tips and ignore the rest!

  3. So many “Mhm!” Moments while reading this. I’ve been blessed with a daughter who loves her sleep (9 months old and still sleeps 16 hours total in a 24 hour period), will eat anything I give her, barely even fussed on the airplane, smiles at everyone, is ahead developmentally, and is just so chill and happy.

    She also happens to be a tad small for her age, and has been from the start (despite not being a preemie). I get tired of hearing people comment on her size and say she needs to eat more. She already stuffs her face and her formula is concentrated! She’s happy and healthy, so it irks me when people assume she may not be. I always feel like I need to explain/defend her but the truth is that it’s no one’s business.

    I hear you on the negativity as well. When I tell people what a good baby I have, I always inevitably hear, “oh, just you wait…” from someone. Obviously I understand that things won’t always be this way, but that’s why I say I’m blessed that they are now.

    Loved this post, thanks for writing it!

    1. Awww thanks so much! And congrats on your amazing little girl!! My LO is also a really good sleeper that leads to ‘just wait til the next one!’ I KNOW I’m lucky and I’m just appreciating that my first baby has made the transition to parenting a relatively easy one!

  4. Lol you’re so funny, girl. I loved this post. Very true. As I started reading I thought, “I don’t really think anyone’s given me unsolicited advice before…” but then I kept reading and I was like… “ohhhh so that’s what that isss” 🤣 Yes. YEs. And YES. People can be such downers. If the downer advice is useful and applicable to my day today, then I’m all ears for it, but why do people feel the need to make us not look forward to the days ahead? Like you said, that things may be true for the people who experienced it, but our family is not their family and our kids are not their kids. It’s not a one size fits all situation here. Last I checked, folks are quite different from each other.

    And I love your perspective on the 3am crying episodes. Keep with that. I had postpartum really bad, so I wasn’t able to really embrace those early month middle of the night cries. But what a lovely perspective – it’s definitely one I have now when my son wakes up at night.

    Thanks for this, Sis. Appreciate your heart ☺️❤️

    1. Thank you, Vanessa!! This means so much to me, and glad you’re able to have maybe a more optimistic view of those late nights/middle nights with your little one. It’s much easier I think to look back on and appreciate than in the moment…when ALLLLLL you want is that pillow! We’re strong mommas and have to be for our littles!

  5. I agree…sometimes people just need to keep the advice to themselves. Yet, most of these same people who are giving unsolicited advice, may not step up when a mom actually needs help (like at 3am or with a crying toddler at Target). It’s amazing how far well chosen words of encouragement or a supportive smile can go without the undertones of judgement that often go along with advice.

  6. Oh I totally agree with… People just makes comments which are so annoying… Some times I feel like…eeeee…. I can’t explain…. Am a first time mom too. It’s not only my girl learning things am also learning as a new mom with her and we both are enjoying it…

    1. Yeeeesssss!!! I feel like I will always have a special bond with my daughter because she taught me HOW to be a mom & I grew so much alongside her!

  7. Ah yes! I’m a first time mom and on the younger side and I get this alllll the time. Just let us enjoy what we’re experiencing now!

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